#best09 2. Restaurant Moment

This moment also took place in NYC this summer. My brother, Mark, and his wife, Michelle and I were walking around Brooklyn looking for apartment “open houses” because they were planning to move from Queens in the fall. It was a gorgeous, sunny and cool day and we walked. And walked. And walked. Eventually we realized that we were starving, so we started looking for places to eat. I wanted to sit outside, Michelle required a salad and Mark was “just HUNGRY-I don’t care as long as it’s in the next 5 minutes!” Okay, then.

We wandered the restaurants, looking at their menus trying to figure out where to go. Finally, Michelle and I saw a restaurant called “S’nice”. We crossed the street, read the menu, saw the outdoor seating and called Mark over. As we’re waiting in line, I hear Mark sotto voce, “WHAT is this place?” I turn around, all innocence and smiles and say, “What do you mean?” He responds, “Okay. If the menu has ‘chicken’ and ‘pork’ in quotation marks, something is up. C’moooonnn, Renee, I just want meat. Not tofu, not “fake meat” or TRP or whatever you call it (TVP, for the record). Just a normal, every day freakin’ burger. Geez…”

Funny part was, I hadn’t even noticed that it was a vegan restaurant. Just thought it was “veggie-friendly”. I was like, “Look. I’ll get my food to go and we’ll find somewhere else. Not a problem.” Mark, at this point was like, “Forget it. I just wanted to bitch. We’re already here.”

Food was awesome, with the exception of me putting hot sauce on my tempeh reuban and it dumped out all over the place. I had to use paper towel to dab up excess. Then, as we were eating, Mark tried to spear something “foreign” (his words) in his salad with his fork (ended up being a pecan) and it shot up and hit me directly in right eye. In sudden pain and partially blinded, I’m like, “Hand me a napkin!” Mark and Michelle are in hysterics but trying to laugh silently (because I couldn’t see them very well at this point) so I’m reaching around for a napkin. Feel one. Rub my eyes. Howl in pain. It is paper towel covered with hot sauce from sandwich mop-up.

Neither of them were able to keep their hysterics quiet at this point and they end up laughing so hard at me (but trying not to) that they’re gasping and in tears themselves. Server comes up and asks if we enjoyed our meal and if we’re going to be there much longer. She said it was because there were people waiting for a table. Riiiiiiiiight…

Pics from our walk thru Brooklyn, lunch and finally, Mark getting his obscenely huge burger for dinner that night in Times Square.

#best09 1. New York, New York: “Holden Invasion”

By far, my trip to NYC in July was the best trip that I took this year. My brother Eric, his wife Heléne and my nieces Lauréne and Valentine were visiting from France. It was also the first time I’ve been to NYC and I stayed in Queens with my little brother, Mark and his wife, Michelle. I spent my daytimes wandering around, learning the transit system and getting delightfully lost (yes, I know it’s a grid, but I wasn’t always in the city proper, so there).

While the city itself is amazing, the part that made the trip so special was getting to spend time with these awesome people…that just happen to be my family. My dad was married and had two boys in France before he married my mom, hence the “French Connection.” I rarely get to spend time with the fam from across the pond. In fact, I had only met them on two occasions before this trip. As Mark and I grew up with mostly my mom’s side of the family, and my dad died when we were very young, it blew my mind how alike Mark, myself and Eric are in spite of our age differences, cultural differences and respective upbringings. Truly like finding a “long lost brother”. Our senses of humor, which are an exquisite blend of the ridiculous, pointed sarcasm, OCD tendencies and sheer bawdiness, was the best discovery about this crazy “Famille de Holden”.   Throw in the language barrier (Valentine never learned English and Mark never learned French, but they absolutely adore “talking” to each other, which was a constant source of amusément to the rest of us) and I’m surprised that we all didn’t get admitted to the hospital for either choking or hernias from laughing so hard.

I will always remember walking to Central Park from their hotel and wandering around looking for the perfect place to just sit and chat in the sunshine until our dinner reservation. Lauréne takes after her mother and kind of just happily goes along with the flow. Mark’s wife, Michelle, is like my mom and figured out long ago that it’s just easier to roll her eyes and be able to give the “I told you so,” look after we ended up 30 minutes later in the part of the park that she suggested. Like my mom, she chose to marry into this family, so she only gets 2 votes in these matters. Holdens get 6 each by default. It’s just the way that it is. If you’re friends with me, you should probably be aware of this (if you haven’t already figured it out).

Mark, myself, Eric and Valentine are picky-ass artsy-fartsy “need the perfect setting”, loudly opinionated and stubborn people, on the other hand, and made everyone else keep walking and walking until we could all agree on “a good spot” (Michelle’s earlier suggestion). We spent the rest of the afternoon talking, having to lay down from laughing so hard and having to “hit the ground” quickly in order to not get hit by one of the 8 million frisbees that seem to be the Central Park accessory of choice in the summer.

New York is a great place and I look forward to my trip in a few weeks, but it wouldn’t have mattered if we had been in the Utah desert.* That’s how much I love these people.

#best09

*For the record, I have an unexplained and unshakeable abhorration of deserts.

www.bradboard.com

One of my favorite “time-wasters” on the internet (and okay, yes, that is in fact a redundant phrase; I’m aware) is www.bradboard.com. It’s a site that lists top songs of the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s according to the owner of the site, Brad. They are not necessarily the songs that were the “top hits” according to Billboard or any other big list-ers, just what was actually playing on the radio, as well as just truly good (and, yeah, in some cases, not so good) songs that came out in a particular year (that may not have shown up anywhere other than college radio). It’s a mixed tape of pop, alternative, grunge, punk, new-wave, r&b, rap-pretty much every genre is represented with the exception of the 3 million indie bands that were around in those decades.

I always find myself saying, “I totally forgot about that song!” and then find myself zooming back through time to a particular moment of my “formative” years. Songs and scents have particularly strong abilities to do this to me, which is why it is good that you cannot not (yet) send scents via the web. Else I’d lose that much more time…(Sorry…tangent)

Anyway, go check it out and let me know what surprises you find and where they send you to in your memories…I’d love to hear about it!

a day of tribute and gratitude…

Today I am cleaning the house, a deep, throw away a lot of stuff and make boxes of for Goodwill and The Spring, a charity for women and children that are trying to get on their feet again. It’s going to involve a lot of physical sorting and emotional “letting go” but I’m feeling that it’s time.

And then, I’m going to a funeral.

The funeral is for someone that I didn’t know well, but it is a situation that I understand all too well. Which is why I am going. I’m going to the funeral of a father that died unexpectedly, leaving Angie, his wife, and Jordan and Mackayla, his two children.

I don’t want to go. I lost my father when I was eight years old, and I spent years reeling from the changes that came with his death. And I missed him, yes. But I have found that what has stayed with me, affected who I became as a person, was the absence of having a father in my life. A Daddy is a girl’s number one fan, always there with love and encouragement, but also the one to set the limits and give that firm “push” in order to make sure that we become better, stronger individuals.

I’m not saying that moms can’t or don’t do that. But the balance that my mom and dad had in their parenting was a complex, beautiful thing. And when he died, Mom had to take on the qualities that he had contributed-the firmness, the logical one, the parent who challenged us often-with the intent to build our characters-the one that did not back down. And this was not who she was, naturally. She was the “universal mommy”- fun, silly, homey, understanding, affectionate, accepting and a dynamo of domesticity.

With his death, she had to call forth those traits of his in order to raise us successfully. And it’s hard for someone to do that at any time in his or her life, let alone when one has just lost the love of her life. I know it must have been the most difficult “call to arms” that anyone could be given, and yet, she did it.

Because I was so young, I rarely finding myself missing the “Daddy” I knew- it’s hard to remember much, and not having been from a generation of video cameras being the norm (and we didn’t have that kind of money, most of my childhood), I don’t have a lot to go on for memory references. He was a great photographer and loved it, so I have many pictures of all of us, but he was always the one behind the camera. He left wonderful legacies in the churches and campuses where we lived, but I don’t know where to find the people who knew him in that capacity.

So I remember him through my mother. Not just in all that she has told us about him over the years, but also through recognizing all of the traits she took on in his absence, always asking herself, “How would Bill and I have handled this?” instead of just going with her natural, (she readily admits, super-indulgent) instincts. It’s a testament to the parent that Dad was, that she would rely so much on asking herself this question over and over again throughout the years.

I will still cry when I see “Father/Daughter” dances at weddings, knowing that I won’t get to dance to “Over the Rainbow” with my daddy. Watching the “Something Was Missing” sequence in “Annie” will set me on an outright bawling session. But it’s the deeper things that I don’t know the answers to: I still wonder if my self-confidence would have been higher, having that champion on the sidelines of my life, loving me and, yes, pushing me to “go for it”? Would it have taken me to the age of twenty-five to finally stand up for myself and stop being a people-pleaser that bordered on a doormat in my relationships?  Would I, not having to learn how to do everything on my own like my mother had to (and taught me, so I never ended up being in her situation-alone and with no knowledge of how to be self-sufficient), be a little more accepting of help when I can’t do something on my own, a bit more easy-going and light, a bit less “superwoman” and maybe little more “girly girl”?

I have no idea.

Maybe.

Probably.

I needed to write all of this because I had to be sure that I was where I need to be emotionally-not the little girl reliving her father’s death, but the adult that will be able to hold it together and support this family.

So I’m going to this funeral today to be there for Mackayla and Jordan, even though it’s going to be hard. And then I’m going to go their house afterward. And I will smile and laugh and play if that’s what they need. Or I will hug and rock and hold, if that’s what the moment calls for. And because of the love and influence of both of my parents, as well as countless other adults throughout my life, I will be able to do this.

Thanks for reading. And if you’re a parent, drop what you are doing and go goof around with your kid. And make someone take your picture doing it.

Waiting for the iPhone to sync…

1. If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?

Batgirl. Always Batgirl. Though I have yet to attempt this in reality.

2. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?

Hmm…not much of a moo-cow eater. But I like the smell of charcoal grilling a LOT. One of my favorites.

3. You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?

“How’s it going without the Blackberry-you going to make it?”

4. It’s your first day of vacation, what are you doing?

Trying to get to the airport intact and on time.

5. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?

I <3  

6. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email?

Spam on principal, but pop-ups are immediate nuisances.

7. What do you think Captain Hook’s name was before he had a hook for a hand?

Silly! Of course he was called Captain Hand.

8. Rock, paper, or scissors?

Paper. Definitely paper.

9. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?

Of whom are we speaking of, here? Because if we’re talking about me, I have no idea. I’ll probably be too arthritic to type my answer by the time I can answer this question.

10. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

I like both. Depends on the type of “loud”, though. And the type of “quiet”, too, I suppose. Shrieking sirens are NOT a good kind of loud. No contact with friends or family for an extended period of time is not a good kind of quiet.

11. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?

I feel honored when people around me can open up and be the parts of themselves that we so often tend to want to hide–silly, loving, dorky, messy, flawed, cranky, kind, scared, passionate, weak, exhuberent–and I get the opportunity to be a better person from that kind of sharing.

12. At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter?

The penny-candy sticks: rootbeer, peppermint, butterscotch, horehound (my favorite, hard to find), and lemon

13. What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?

The actual “bay” of Tampa Bay. Other than that, maybe the Raymond James Stadium. We have a rather dismal skyline, unfortunately.

14. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

Hmm…this is kind of hard. I’m pretty interested in everything. Umm…if i had to pick: discussions about types of brand name clothing people (yes, usually women) want or just bought. It’s kind of a foreign language to me, despite being female. Not judging, just sayin’.

15. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?

Twice. I made a right turn NOT into the right lane. Skipped it and got in the left immediately. I was a MAJOR over-achiever and this devasted me! I’ve since learned that just being a regular, at-least-finish-the-project, do-the-best-you-can kind of person gets a lot more done with less pointless anxiety.

16. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?

Heath Bar Bits! But plain vanilla is fine. If it’s Breyer’s.

17. What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?

M&M’s. Every kind. I can’t even keep a bag in the house for occasional treats. A one lb. bag will be gone within 24 hours. Not a joke.

18. You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second?

Go for the $500! I figure, “Hey- I didn’t have the $50 before, so let’s see what might happen…”

19. If you had to choose, which would you give up: cable TV, or DSL/cable internet?

Cable. No question.

20. What is your highest level of education?

(Laughing) Ummm…I’m in the middle of 3 degrees currently: BA in Lit, BFA in Art, and MA in Gifted Education. I’m in no hurry. Life is an ongoing classroom. So no one thinks I am a complete ADHD case: I do have a BS in Education that is, in fact, complete.

21. How much is a gallon of gas in your city? What was the highest it’s been?

$3.43/$4.21 I think. I don’t focus on it too much because, hey-I’m going to buy it anyway.

22. What kind of lunch box did you have as a kid?

Sesame Street, Annie, and Batman.

23. What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?

This one is hard. If I had kids, I’d want to be around them. I actually like cleaning house (except when it has gotten out of hand from a busy week and becomes a major project -like today-). Love cooking but don’t do a lot of it because it’s just me here. And I like driving because that’s when I tend to sing my heart out. So…I don’t know. Maybe the housekeeper?

24. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic?

Who’s in the elevator? Interesting people with great conversational skills? That’d be cool. In a traffic jam, you could be listening to music and people-watching-also cool. Overall, I don’t stress too much when “stuck” somewhere because I have my Dora the Explorer-like backpack with me at all times. Friends make fun of me for this, but A) they’ve been stuck with me and been pretty darn thankful that I had it, and B) you can’t even imagine how much fun stuff one can keep with them and still not be that weighed down.

25. Lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your ‘cleaned up’ swear word?

GAAAAAAHHHHH! Although, I have pulled off “Goshdangfreakingmotherscratcher!” successfully. On more than one occasion. Having the duel lives of “teacher” and “Renee”, I have become enviably good at being able to turn off the potty mouth completely.