Online Etiquette

I found out yesterday that one of my dearest friends had committed suicide. The awfulness of this moment was compounded by the fact that I found out on FaceBook before his mother could reach me. So, okay. I get that people want to pay tribute to someone on their FaceBook page. I did so myself, last night (after his mom told me it would be a comfort to read the things that his friends would write about him). But first? I spent an hour trying to make sense of this vague, ominous post that appeared on my friend’s wall. The longest, most tortuous hour of my life to date.

Because here’s the thing: the person that posted the first “I can’t believe you’re gone…etc.” was an extended family member, not part of my friend’s immediate family (mom, wife, brother, etc.). And then when everyone else started asking “What is going on???” and “What happened???” out of the dread and panic spurred by this Wall post, that family member primly answered, “I don’t feel comfortable confirming anything without the permission of his immediate family.”

Oh, but you were comfortable being the first person to “break the news”? That’s not concern, that’s wanting to “be first.” It’s what sensationalists do, not caring family members. And yes, maybe it was done in a moment of grief and not thought out properly because of that, but there’s this “Delete” button for those moments on almost every major social networking page. If you’ve already started the ball rolling and can’t stop it, face up to the fact that you did it, contact the immediate family and let them know that you now have a lot of people asking questions and you need to know if/what the family is comfortable with you replying, now that the news it out. An apology probably wouldn’t be out of line, either.

And that brings me to another subtopic that has ALWAYS annoyed me, and is along the same line…

Sharing Good News Online

I LOVE finding out happy news from people and I don’t care if I find out online. But there’s this: If you find out from your best friend/sister-in-law/cousin/whomever just found out that they are pregnant, or engaged or discovered that they are having a girl or a boy, etc., because he/she told you in person, or email or in a text, it is NOT YOUR NEWS TO SHARE.

That is, unless you have explicit, clarified, double-checked permission from the person to whom the happy event is happening to. End of story. One of my friends finally got pregnant after 5 years of trying and told a mutual co-worker. She did not, in her moment of excitement say, “Please don’t say anything-I want to be the one to share the news,” because A) She didn’t even consider the possibility b/c she herself would never think to do something like that, and B) There wasn’t any time to go back and say that. This co-worker popped onto fb within minutes and posted “Congratulations! I can’t believe it finally happened! I’m so happy for you!”

Okay, so the co-worker did not actually specify what the “Congratulations” was for. And she was truly so excited for our friend. But as we all knew that my friend had been trying for so long to get pregnant, naturally we guessed immediately. My friend was going to tell everyone, of course, but the point here is: she didn’t get to be the one to share the most exciting and important thing that had ever happened to her, even though she used to dream about the day that she would be able to announce such happy news.

Bottom line: just wait.

Whether it’s good news or sad news, it is not going to kill you to wait for the people involved to make the first tweet, post the first Wall post, email the first announcement, etc. And if you choose NOT to wait, no one is going to think admirably, “Wow, s/he’s really part of the inner circle if s/he knows this before anyone else.” Nope. What any respectful, non-insecure, adult is going to think is, “Wow. Announcing that wasn’t your job. You must really need attention…badly.”

So there’s my rant. I’m not judging anyone who has ever done this sort of thing. We’ve all done thoughtless stuff before. I get that. But if you knew, deep down, that you wanted “to be first”, then please take a better look at what you are not getting enough of in your life. And if you’ve done it but never realized how it affects others-you were just so excited, or grief-stricken or whatever and you made a bad call-let it go. But I hope reading this makes you think. That’s all.

*I feel it’s necessary to add that I sent a tweet about my friend’s death yesterday (after talking to his mom). Most of you know this. So in light of that, this post might seem contradictory. But let me clarify: I chose a social media outlet where nobody (except for one person-my brother-and I called him first) even knew of this person, or, if he/she did-they were someone that I had received permission to give information to privately upon inquiry. I was feeling beyond devasted and it was the fastest and most efficient way to let my extended group of friends know that I was not going to be my normal self for a little while…so that they would understand.

So, yeah. This was about the worst “Spring Break” I’ve ever had. I’m talking just plain shitty in about every way you can think of. A family member in the hospital, in all likelihood dying. Trips I was really looking forward to after an exhausting and unfulfilling school year cancelled, rebooked, and then cancelled again. Finding out that I have some serious repairs that need to be done to my house before I can put it on the market. Then throw in my part in all of this: My tendency to pull inward and do a bang-up job of pretending that I’m fine when, in reality, I’m barely holding it together. Being frustrated because my friends aren’t psychics or mind-readers and rushing in to tell me everything is going to be okay. Having trigger-finger reactions to inocuous statements because I overthink everything. Fast-forward to profound self-loathing, guilt and disappointment stemming from all of the above.

Blech.

But spending time with someone you love, albeit have a complicated relationship with, who is dying, and then spending a few days with yourself and you only-avoiding social networks (the best distraction from your own life ever invented), not going out, etc., definitely knocks some perspective into your…well, perspective. Even when you really don’t want it to. I realized that I have a lot to be grateful for- (I really hate that word, btw, because it sounds so…I don’t know-wussy and Rama Ding Dong New-Age-y/”Inspiration”-section-of-the-bookstore-y. But it’s the most accurate, I suppose) my family and friends being at the top of that list, for so many reasons, putting up with me just being one of them, lol.

I’m still not completely sure what realizations I’ve had, or if indeed I’m going to learn anything from them. <insert the “not a fan of life lessons” statement from earlier> I do know that the “just plain shitty” Spring Break has given me some things to think about; things that I’m thinking will hopefully make me a better friend, a happier girl, and, in general, a more genuine person. And at thirty-five years in, it’s probably about time to start figuring out who this Renée chick is, yeah?

We wandered the restaurants, looking at their menus trying to figure out where to go. Finally, Michelle and I saw a restaurant called “S’nice”. We crossed the street, read the menu, saw the outdoor seating and called Mark over. As we’re waiting in line, I hear Mark sotto voce, “WHAT is this place?” I turn around, all innocence and smiles and say, “What do you mean?” He responds, “Okay. If the menu has ‘chicken’ and ‘pork’ in quotation marks, something is up. C’moooonnn, Renee, I just want meat. Not tofu, not “fake meat” or TRP or whatever you call it (TVP, for the record). Just a normal, every day freakin’ burger. Geez…”

Funny part was, I hadn’t even noticed that it was a vegan restaurant. Just thought it was “veggie-friendly”. I was like, “Look. I’ll get my food to go and we’ll find somewhere else. Not a problem.” Mark, at this point was like, “Forget it. I just wanted to bitch. We’re already here.”

Food was awesome, with the exception of me putting hot sauce on my tempeh reuban and it dumped out all over the place. I had to use paper towel to dab up excess. Then, as we were eating, Mark tried to spear something “foreign” (his words) in his salad with his fork (ended up being a pecan) and it shot up and hit me directly in right eye. In sudden pain and partially blinded, I’m like, “Hand me a napkin!” Mark and Michelle are in hysterics but trying to laugh silently (because I couldn’t see them very well at this point) so I’m reaching around for a napkin. Feel one. Rub my eyes. Howl in pain. It is paper towel covered with hot sauce from sandwich mop-up.

Neither of them were able to keep their hysterics quiet at this point and they end up laughing so hard at me (but trying not to) that they’re gasping and in tears themselves. Server comes up and asks if we enjoyed our meal and if we’re going to be there much longer. She said it was because there were people waiting for a table. Riiiiiiiiight…

Pics from our walk thru Brooklyn, lunch and finally, Mark getting his obscenely huge burger for dinner that night in Times Square.

While the city itself is amazing, the part that made the trip so special was getting to spend time with these awesome people…that just happen to be my family. My dad was married and had two boys in France before he married my mom, hence the “French Connection.” I rarely get to spend time with the fam from across the pond. In fact, I had only met them on two occasions before this trip. As Mark and I grew up with mostly my mom’s side of the family, and my dad died when we were very young, it blew my mind how alike Mark, myself and Eric are in spite of our age differences, cultural differences and respective upbringings. Truly like finding a “long lost brother”. Our senses of humor, which are an exquisite blend of the ridiculous, pointed sarcasm, OCD tendencies and sheer bawdiness, was the best discovery about this crazy “Famille de Holden”.   Throw in the language barrier (Valentine never learned English and Mark never learned French, but they absolutely adore “talking” to each other, which was a constant source of amusément to the rest of us) and I’m surprised that we all didn’t get admitted to the hospital for either choking or hernias from laughing so hard.

I will always remember walking to Central Park from their hotel and wandering around looking for the perfect place to just sit and chat in the sunshine until our dinner reservation. Lauréne takes after her mother and kind of just happily goes along with the flow. Mark’s wife, Michelle, is like my mom and figured out long ago that it’s just easier to roll her eyes and be able to give the “I told you so,” look after we ended up 30 minutes later in the part of the park that she suggested. Like my mom, she chose to marry into this family, so she only gets 2 votes in these matters. Holdens get 6 each by default. It’s just the way that it is. If you’re friends with me, you should probably be aware of this (if you haven’t already figured it out).

Mark, myself, Eric and Valentine are picky-ass artsy-fartsy “need the perfect setting”, loudly opinionated and stubborn people, on the other hand, and made everyone else keep walking and walking until we could all agree on “a good spot” (Michelle’s earlier suggestion). We spent the rest of the afternoon talking, having to lay down from laughing so hard and having to “hit the ground” quickly in order to not get hit by one of the 8 million frisbees that seem to be the Central Park accessory of choice in the summer.

New York is a great place and I look forward to my trip in a few weeks, but it wouldn’t have mattered if we had been in the Utah desert.* That’s how much I love these people.

#best09

*For the record, I have an unexplained and unshakeable abhorration of deserts.

I always find myself saying, “I totally forgot about that song!” and then find myself zooming back through time to a particular moment of my “formative” years. Songs and scents have particularly strong abilities to do this to me, which is why it is good that you cannot not (yet) send scents via the web. Else I’d lose that much more time…(Sorry…tangent)

Anyway, go check it out and let me know what surprises you find and where they send you to in your memories…I’d love to hear about it!

And then, I’m going to a funeral.

The funeral is for someone that I didn’t know well, but it is a situation that I understand all too well. Which is why I am going. I’m going to the funeral of a father that died unexpectedly, leaving Angie, his wife, and Jordan and Mackayla, his two children.

I don’t want to go. I lost my father when I was eight years old, and I spent years reeling from the changes that came with his death. And I missed him, yes. But I have found that what has stayed with me, affected who I became as a person, was the absence of having a father in my life. A Daddy is a girl’s number one fan, always there with love and encouragement, but also the one to set the limits and give that firm “push” in order to make sure that we become better, stronger individuals.

I’m not saying that moms can’t or don’t do that. But the balance that my mom and dad had in their parenting was a complex, beautiful thing. And when he died, Mom had to take on the qualities that he had contributed-the firmness, the logical one, the parent who challenged us often-with the intent to build our characters-the one that did not back down. And this was not who she was, naturally. She was the “universal mommy”- fun, silly, homey, understanding, affectionate, accepting and a dynamo of domesticity.

With his death, she had to call forth those traits of his in order to raise us successfully. And it’s hard for someone to do that at any time in his or her life, let alone when one has just lost the love of her life. I know it must have been the most difficult “call to arms” that anyone could be given, and yet, she did it.

Because I was so young, I rarely finding myself missing the “Daddy” I knew- it’s hard to remember much, and not having been from a generation of video cameras being the norm (and we didn’t have that kind of money, most of my childhood), I don’t have a lot to go on for memory references. He was a great photographer and loved it, so I have many pictures of all of us, but he was always the one behind the camera. He left wonderful legacies in the churches and campuses where we lived, but I don’t know where to find the people who knew him in that capacity.

So I remember him through my mother. Not just in all that she has told us about him over the years, but also through recognizing all of the traits she took on in his absence, always asking herself, “How would Bill and I have handled this?” instead of just going with her natural, (she readily admits, super-indulgent) instincts. It’s a testament to the parent that Dad was, that she would rely so much on asking herself this question over and over again throughout the years.

I will still cry when I see “Father/Daughter” dances at weddings, knowing that I won’t get to dance to “Over the Rainbow” with my daddy. Watching the “Something Was Missing” sequence in “Annie” will set me on an outright bawling session. But it’s the deeper things that I don’t know the answers to: I still wonder if my self-confidence would have been higher, having that champion on the sidelines of my life, loving me and, yes, pushing me to “go for it”? Would it have taken me to the age of twenty-five to finally stand up for myself and stop being a people-pleaser that bordered on a doormat in my relationships?  Would I, not having to learn how to do everything on my own like my mother had to (and taught me, so I never ended up being in her situation-alone and with no knowledge of how to be self-sufficient), be a little more accepting of help when I can’t do something on my own, a bit more easy-going and light, a bit less “superwoman” and maybe little more “girly girl”?

I have no idea.

Maybe.

Probably.

I needed to write all of this because I had to be sure that I was where I need to be emotionally-not the little girl reliving her father’s death, but the adult that will be able to hold it together and support this family.

So I’m going to this funeral today to be there for Mackayla and Jordan, even though it’s going to be hard. And then I’m going to go their house afterward. And I will smile and laugh and play if that’s what they need. Or I will hug and rock and hold, if that’s what the moment calls for. And because of the love and influence of both of my parents, as well as countless other adults throughout my life, I will be able to do this.

Thanks for reading. And if you’re a parent, drop what you are doing and go goof around with your kid. And make someone take your picture doing it.

Batgirl. Always Batgirl. Though I have yet to attempt this in reality.

2. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?

Hmm…not much of a moo-cow eater. But I like the smell of charcoal grilling a LOT. One of my favorites.

3. You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?

“How’s it going without the Blackberry-you going to make it?”

4. It’s your first day of vacation, what are you doing?

Trying to get to the airport intact and on time.

5. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?

I <3  

6. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email?

Spam on principal, but pop-ups are immediate nuisances.

7. What do you think Captain Hook’s name was before he had a hook for a hand?

Silly! Of course he was called Captain Hand.

8. Rock, paper, or scissors?

Paper. Definitely paper.

9. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?

Of whom are we speaking of, here? Because if we’re talking about me, I have no idea. I’ll probably be too arthritic to type my answer by the time I can answer this question.

10. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

I like both. Depends on the type of “loud”, though. And the type of “quiet”, too, I suppose. Shrieking sirens are NOT a good kind of loud. No contact with friends or family for an extended period of time is not a good kind of quiet.

11. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?

I feel honored when people around me can open up and be the parts of themselves that we so often tend to want to hide–silly, loving, dorky, messy, flawed, cranky, kind, scared, passionate, weak, exhuberent–and I get the opportunity to be a better person from that kind of sharing.

12. At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter?

The penny-candy sticks: rootbeer, peppermint, butterscotch, horehound (my favorite, hard to find), and lemon

13. What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?

The actual “bay” of Tampa Bay. Other than that, maybe the Raymond James Stadium. We have a rather dismal skyline, unfortunately.

14. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

Hmm…this is kind of hard. I’m pretty interested in everything. Umm…if i had to pick: discussions about types of brand name clothing people (yes, usually women) want or just bought. It’s kind of a foreign language to me, despite being female. Not judging, just sayin’.

15. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?

Twice. I made a right turn NOT into the right lane. Skipped it and got in the left immediately. I was a MAJOR over-achiever and this devasted me! I’ve since learned that just being a regular, at-least-finish-the-project, do-the-best-you-can kind of person gets a lot more done with less pointless anxiety.

16. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?

Heath Bar Bits! But plain vanilla is fine. If it’s Breyer’s.

17. What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?

M&M’s. Every kind. I can’t even keep a bag in the house for occasional treats. A one lb. bag will be gone within 24 hours. Not a joke.

18. You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second?

Go for the $500! I figure, “Hey- I didn’t have the $50 before, so let’s see what might happen…”

19. If you had to choose, which would you give up: cable TV, or DSL/cable internet?

Cable. No question.

20. What is your highest level of education?

(Laughing) Ummm…I’m in the middle of 3 degrees currently: BA in Lit, BFA in Art, and MA in Gifted Education. I’m in no hurry. Life is an ongoing classroom. So no one thinks I am a complete ADHD case: I do have a BS in Education that is, in fact, complete.

21. How much is a gallon of gas in your city? What was the highest it’s been?

$3.43/$4.21 I think. I don’t focus on it too much because, hey-I’m going to buy it anyway.

22. What kind of lunch box did you have as a kid?

Sesame Street, Annie, and Batman.

23. What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?

This one is hard. If I had kids, I’d want to be around them. I actually like cleaning house (except when it has gotten out of hand from a busy week and becomes a major project -like today-). Love cooking but don’t do a lot of it because it’s just me here. And I like driving because that’s when I tend to sing my heart out. So…I don’t know. Maybe the housekeeper?

24. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic?

Who’s in the elevator? Interesting people with great conversational skills? That’d be cool. In a traffic jam, you could be listening to music and people-watching-also cool. Overall, I don’t stress too much when “stuck” somewhere because I have my Dora the Explorer-like backpack with me at all times. Friends make fun of me for this, but A) they’ve been stuck with me and been pretty darn thankful that I had it, and B) you can’t even imagine how much fun stuff one can keep with them and still not be that weighed down.

25. Lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your ‘cleaned up’ swear word?

GAAAAAAHHHHH! Although, I have pulled off “Goshdangfreakingmotherscratcher!” successfully. On more than one occasion. Having the duel lives of “teacher” and “Renee”, I have become enviably good at being able to turn off the potty mouth completely.

i’m also in the midst of some sort of inner turmoil,  i think. maybe that’s not the right word? more like ponderings that i turn over and over in my head until they feel all mixed up and turmoil-y. sometimes i wish i had a “settings” switch in my mind that i could push way down to “low” on such occasions. the sort that you might find on a vibrator would be just about perfect. blushing, but honestly, it’s the only thing i can think of that describes it accurately.

over the summer, i told my mom that i was going to set my life up in a way that would open up my world a bit; that i was truly tired-physicallyemotionallymentallyandspiritually-of always trying to “make it work”, whether it was my relationships with others, my job, or even Tampa.

is it okay to want more than just “making something work”? i know it sounds obvious, but i seem to think that if i pound away at something long enough, it’ll come together. or work out great. or something. what has set all of this swirling around in my head is that it occurred to me that what i have taken for optimism, or hope, or faith is really just a way of finding a way to live with things that aren’t 100% what i set out for. maybe not even 80%.

i’m not saying that things worth having, people worth knowing, or places worth being don’t take a committment to finding compromise and contentment with what one has in front of her/him. but i know there should be so much more than that- inspiration. laughter. excitement. peacefulness. exhilaration. many, many moments of bliss (or as i like to define it: experiencing the extraordinary in everyday, ordinary moments). what, in my life have i chosen, and what have i just accepted?

i’m a firm believer in “everything working out for the highest good” no matter what a person chooses with right intention. but i’m realizing that there’s one caveat to that: i have to first, notice, and then (scary part) act on openings, opportunities, and potential changes. and i’m not going to even notice all of these things if i don’t look up from and subsequently, challenge, the endless “making it work” cycle.

and i need to.

Got all of the old blogs rounded up and in one place.

FINALLY.

They still need to be cleaned up a bit- some links, photos, etc. did not transfer over so I’m still needing to do that. Since I’m pulling from 2 laptops, 1 external hard drive and 4 different blogs, this may take a bit of time…

All in all, however, I’m happy with how it’s shaping up.

I started by transferring over to Blogger, but nixed that in favor of WordPress. I liked how WP looks, its Widgets and the way the Dashboard is organized. Much less hassle than Blogger for all of the merging and importing that I’m having to do.

If only I could find a good program (for a Mac) to clean up all of the copies of photos on the 2 laptops and external hard drive, I’d be lethal. The problem is that they replicated with different file names each time- total nightmare.

On the positive side, I was extremely pleased (okay, I was ecstatic-jumping around and yelling, “Yes! YES! WAHOO!”) that my Angelfire blog still existed and that, after many minutes of racking my brain and trying about 20 or so username and password combinations, I was able to get in. I really didn’t think they’d keep it on file since it’s been a few years since I’ve even attempted to log in.

This is the most boring post ever. I’m aware-just sleep-deprived. And hot. And hungry. So my brain is not really functioning at optimum capacity for being interesting. I’ll just go take care of things and hop back on later. For all our sakes.

letting other people do the thinking for me again…
Current mood:longing
Category: Blogging
1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh?
i manage to do that without even trying. repeatedly.

2. Would you prefer the lights on or off during sex?
depends on location of said light as well as who’s on bottom. not a fan of getting blinded by ceiling lights.

3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences?
if my friends did that to me, i’m thinking i’d have very few friends, so…no.

4. If you could ‘take back’ your virginity from your first partner, would you?
no. i’d just take back the part that he ‘came out’ seven years later. that has a tendency to sting a bit…

5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with an ex for financial reasons?
depends. if he’s living off of her, then no. if she is living off of him, then maybe. although, aren’t relationships tricky enough without that sort of thing, too?

6. Do you need to know everything about someone’s past?
dear god, no. i am enough of a head case on my own without taking on someone else’s past, too.

7. It is more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world?
laughing at it seems to far outpace both of those.

8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?
i’m sure i do, but the old wise man on the mountain with the instruction manual remains elusive.

9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a “higher level”?
yes. and oddly enough, i just started having vivid, movie-like dreams again. it’s been about 5 years since the last round. wonder why that is?

10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can’t really talk to?
both? each has their merits. and i usually fall into the “both” category, anyway.

11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection?
oh, please. the female. does anyone think otherwise, really?

12. Should a child who’s caught masturbating be punished?
if this even crosses anyone’s mind, then apparently the child already is-by having sexually repressed parents.

13. Do you like kissing in public?
i’m quite the fan of restraint and building sexual tension, so i’d rather be suspended in that continuum for awhile and then have to make a very quick exit to a private place. so, no.

14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?
the word “fetish” kind of puts me off due to those stories one hears of about icky middle-aged men. of “fantasies” , i have a good round number i’d like to play with…

15. Did America really put a man on the moon?
no. rockets did.

16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you?
i usually go the other direction on the age thing. not on purpose. it just happens.

17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
a perfectly made glass of cherry kool-aid.

18. How well do you handle criticism?
generally, nobody says things that i haven’t already thought of myself.

19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you?
what, as in they wash their clothes with Dreft? if they have just been…selective, yes. waiting until marriage, then no.

20. When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people?
i’m so scatter-brained and uncoordinated that general focus on the other person at all can be difficult, so not really.

21. Is it possible for full-figured women to be equally attractive as thinner women?
hmmm…i’m thinking Calista Flockheart vs. any 50′s pin-up girl and i’d have to say yes.

22. You’ve just met someone incredible while out with friends, and (s)he’s been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long would you wait to call?
if they are “coughing up” a phone number then i wouldn’t call them. otherwise, it depends on my social calender.

23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer?
um…hmmm….not so much. not thinking that there would be any point in having the right to a fair and legal trial if that were the case. might as well hire them as jurors.

24. Would you have a ‘Happy Button’ installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it?
already gots one of those. don’t you?

25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?
dear god, please-surprise the hell out of me.

26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion?
ARE we all human? are you sure?

27. What is sexiest on a woman or a man?
the ability to pay attention to and be amused by what i’m saying.

28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?
the soul mate might make the job more tolerable, but i can’t see the dream job making the significant other more tolerable, so b).

29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?
as compared to? i mean, i’m not going to have sex with lions or anything.

30. Should your mate also become your best friend?
isn’t it…preferable when it starts the other way around? yes? no? this one confuses me.

31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced?
E-X-P-E-R-I-E-N-C-E-D

32. Have you ever had a true one-night stand?
if it started that way and then turned into two or three nights, does that count?

33. Have you ever posed as a nude model?
maybe unconsciously?

34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things?
a smoky, robust blend of each is how i like to start my day.

35. Is it better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all?
i don’t know. i’ve never been sane enough to have not loved.
Currently listening:
I’m Good I’m Gone
By Lykke Li
Release date: 2008-06-03
10:10 PM